April – May 2011
1. Adopting a puppy is the perfect excuse to get Lasik eye surgery. This will really hit home the first time you stumble outside in the middle of the night for a pit-stop (get it?) without glasses and the puppy bolts into the darkness of the yard after a squirrel/bird/shadow/you couldn’t see it anyway. Blind whisper-shouting-hunting in the dark doesn’t get anything but nasty, passive aggressive comments from the Suburban Vampire Neighbors the next day.
2. Helpful hint that the Monks forgot to mention: when you have to wake up the puppy for an outting overnight, it’s time to push the alarm back an hour. One whole, glorious hour.
3. Know a good time to get hardwood floors installed? When you bring home a puppy. The floors go from looking new to weathered in a week. PS: If you would like to borrow our dogs for a weekend to break in your new floors, just let me know. They’re helpers, really.
5. If the puppy doesn’t want to be in her crate, she will find a way to break out of it, after moving it and her brother’s bed across the room first. You can also bet that the cat is hiding under the bed or on top of the fridge in response to this jailbreak.
6. If it’s raining, you will have to carry the puppy out the door because she does not like getting her feet wet. Also, do provide an umbrella over her delicate, princess head while she does her business. If you don’t she’ll fake squat and wait until she’s back indoors and in her crate before relieving herself.
Annoying Clever. Girl.
7. This puppy will also get the “good dog discount” at the vet’s office. Even when she’s a complete basket-case.
8. Embrace chaos. It’s sort of fun to live in squalor and mayhem. Eventually the puppy will get a little more on-program (right?) and the older-brother-who-should-know-better will settle himself down (right?). And in those moments when you think, “What have I done? I can’t handle this madness,” the little snout wakes up from an epic snuggle-nap on a lazy Sunday and looks at you like this…
We’re in so much trouble.