16 reasons to not own a dog

1. let’s start with the obvious: you won’t handle poop. or wipe up after a variety of biological accidents.


2. you like sleeping in.

3. you dislike being outside in the extreme cold.

4. you dislike being outside in the extreme heat.

5. you cannot read minds.

6. you think that only adolescents cast shade or judge you (sort-of) silently.

7. the thought of handling treats containing liver, giblet, “hot dog”, marrow or antler make your stomach lurch.

8. you want to be in charge of the remote control. or just find the remote control.

9. you want to sit on the couch.


10. you prefer to not have Doritos-scented feet thrust in your face during cuddle-time.

11. the idea of a single doorbell, instead of the doorbell/barking duo, is already too much noise.

12. a quiet house provides solace, instead of panic.

13. if you prefer food and clothes without a side of fur. or snout-goo.

14. required daily exercise just isn’t your thing.


15. a dog wearing a coat, snood, bow tie, tutu, boots, hoodies and corresponding leash (maybe all at once) is repugnant.

16. you don’t want to talk to strangers.

6 thoughts on “16 reasons to not own a dog

  1. Pingback: Revenge is a female dog. And that Female is named MJ | peanut butter & cheese

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