Dear Fat Man with Beard,
I find you frightening. I don’t like clompy boots or men in hats with beards who skulk around my house looking to come inside. I will herd the furniture to barricade any points of entry against you, and I will bark from window to window until you fly away. I must protect this house.
Yes, It is personal. My sincerest apologies.
Because of this fear, I cannot justify requesting treats to reward my good behavior. Instead, maybe you can bring my presents to puppies who need them more?
I am very thankful for what I have, except for my sister who makes me grumpy sometimes. I could maybe use some more bacon and pancakes, but I’m not going to beg.
So travel safely. Keep away.
Zozo Bean F—–
ps- what do reindeer smell like? are they allowed to eat chocolate?