things i “barked at”* this weekend, by zozo

*they say “barked at”; i say “defended them from.”  we apparently have to agree to disagree.  (i’m right).

SATURDAY:

-momma leaving for class
-the mailman
-dad leaving for work
-momma unlocking the door
-the mailman
-mums’ arrival
-momma and mums leaving for the store
-momma and mums returning from the store
-the neighbors
-the neighbor boy’s friends
-nothing
-the gate swinging in the wind
-dad coming home from work

 

SUNDAY:

-birds in the yard
-momma going out for coffee
-momma coming home with coffee
-mo’s car
-mo
-mo’s shoes
-momma and daddy leaving
-nothing
-nothing again
-dad walking up the stairs
-dinner
-dad leaving for a meeting
-bubbles in the tub
-the neighbor dog out for a walk
-dad coming home from his meeting

 

I SAVED THEM!

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Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!

We have a problem.

An issue?

A challenge?

No, this really feels like a problem. And I’m putting it out to you, dear readers, for help.

Zozo, who is scared of his own shadow, has started speaking up. Not just speaking up, yelling.

FedEx truck pulls up?
“GUYS!! GUYS!! THERE IS A TRUCK IN OUR TERRITORY. WE MUST SHOUT AT HIM UNTIL HE RETREATS. SHOUT WITH ME!”

A kid rides by on a bicycle?
“There is human puppy driving a contraption! GO AWAY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHAT ARE YOU RIDING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!”

A doorbell rings on TV, and he loses it at the door (note: we don’t have a doorbell. We have a knocker. Let’s not even talk about that.) A car door slams and he can see it’s me or James, he wigs. MJ chortles in her sleep; WOOF WOOF.

We’re tried a terse “No.” We’ve tried an abrupt “Uh Uh.” We’ve tried to redirect his attention or focus on completing a cue (Place. Sit. Down.) Dulcet, calming tones. We’ve tried.

Barks abound.

I’ve read around, but…. Who has suggestions? Have you tempered your barker?