Dear sir.

December 2013

Dear Fat Man with Beard,

I find you frightening.  I don’t like clompy boots or men in hats with beards who skulk around my house looking to come inside.  I will herd the furniture to barricade any points of entry against you, and I will bark from window to window until you fly away.  I must protect this house.

Yes, It is personal.  My sincerest apologies.

Because of this fear, I cannot justify requesting treats to reward my good behavior.  Instead, maybe you can bring my presents to puppies who need them more?

I am very thankful for what I have, except for my sister who makes me grumpy sometimes.  I could maybe use some more bacon and pancakes, but I’m not going to beg.

So travel safely. Keep away.

Snout Bump,

Zozo Bean F—–

ps- what do reindeer smell like?  are they allowed to eat chocolate?